If you want to understand how angry customers operate, and the basics of the defusing process, here are seven principles "in a nutshell. These are taken from an early chapter of: Defusing Hostile Customers Workbook (Third Edition2010): A Self-Instructional Workbook For Public Sector Employees
1. At times your clients are going to be angry, and you need to recognize they have a right to be upset or angry.
2. Your clients do NOT have the right to be abusive, or manipulative.
3. You need to focus your attention on ways that will reduce the amount of hostile behavior aimed at you. If these techniques cause the customer
to feel less angry, that’s great, but that isn’t something we can control.
4. Hostile and abusive behavior is intended to control and manipulate you.
5. Hostile and abusive behavior is learned at a very young age, and everyone has learned how to do it.
6. Hostile people will dangle bait in front of you. The first step to avoiding escalation of these situations is to not take the bait.
7. The rules of the hostile “game” say that when attacked, you are EXPECTED to respond defensively, or by counter‑attacking. When you do so you play the game according to the attacker’s rules, and you will lose.